Notes on a NaNo No-Go

Today is November 30th, and I raise the white flag of surrender.  #NaNoWriMo has come and gone, and glory has eluded me.  What started out with such optimism and determination fizzled somewhere along the way and eventually died.

Don't get me wrong -- I did get a lot of writing done early on.  But then cruel fate raised her head, initially in the form of an unexpected 4-day business trip to New York during which my NaNo productivity plummeted, then with a Thanksgiving road trip to my visit my remaining family members that sucked up another four or five days.  And so, do you hear that?  My NaNoWriMo dream melting away like the Wicked Witch of the West.

My word count stalled at precisely 15,300.  But before I concede total defeat, let's consider some of the take-aways from my first NaNoWriMo experience.  Even though I didn't finish, progress was made and lessons were learned.

First and foremost, I still like the idea of my NaNo book, and feel more than ever that it has legs.  I worked out some elusive details that had been troubling me and keeping me stalled before, and now I can pretty much see where most of it needs to go (if not precisely how to get there -- but that's the fun).

I learned so much more about my characters, where they'd been shadowy before.  I discovered bits about their motivations, their flaws.  They started making sense.

I learned that there's a lot more in this idea to explore than I had imagined before, which is both intellectually stimulating and scary as shit.  I feel as though I have a responsibility to these wholly made up people and their wholly made up lives.  And somehow, that starts to feel like an obligation.  Surely my fellow writers out there will understand something about that.

Perhaps most importantly, I've accepted the fact that first drafts are just that, and are meant to be messy.  I still have an inner editor in residence, and, believe me, he is a major pain in the ass, but in the NaNo process I learned to grow a pair and tell him to SHUT THE FUCK UP and let me work.  For that alone, it was worth it -- worth the effort, worth the attempt, worth the lack of sleep.

So, will I try it again sometime?  Who knows.  But my take is this:
Even if you don't finish or "win" NaNoWriMo, there's a lot to be learned simply from giving it a go.

#NaNoWriMo

Call me crazy, but I've decided to attempt NaNoWriMo this year.  Yes, me -- despite the fact that, as documented here previously, I am a notoriously slow writer.  Well, that's not entirely true.  Once I get started, I can go pretty fast.  It's that painful process of figuring out where to go.  And yes, I do outline -- loosely.  I'm not a complete pantser.  But still I get stumped.  Or I did with my current manuscript, the one I call my novel-in-endless-progress.

For those who may not know, NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month.  It happens every year in November when thousands of aspiring novelists attempt to write a draft of a novel -- the goal is 50,000 words -- over the course of that one month.  Writing by nature is lonely, solitary work.  The competitive aspect of NaNo (even though you're really only competing with yourself to get the words down), and the feeling that you're part of something bigger, part of a movement, seems to serve as inspiration and motivation to sit and get it done.

But 50,000 words in one month?  Who am I kidding?  It took me nearly two years to get there with this other book I've been working on.

I keep telling myself that the new novel idea I have for NaNoWriMo will be different.  It's faster paced, more mainstream, with plenty of built in conflict to explore.  I feel that with this one I will be able to free myself to write in many different directions, to follow different threads to build the word count.  I argue that if I get stuck I can skip around and move on to another part of the story that excites or interests me.  I've even been training myself to get up extra early and write before the day begins.  Still, I have my doubts.

And of course, there's another part of me -- the little devil (or is it the angel) on my shoulder -- that keeps insisting that the only reason I'm attempting NaNo in the first place is to avoid the hard work of finishing up the current rewrite of the novel-in-endless-progress.  And you know what?  The little fucker could be right.

Still, I can't help it.  I want to put a toe in.  I want to give it a try.  I want to hold my nose and jump, belly flop, cannonball my way into this thing.  Hopefully, I'll be able to keep my head above water.  And then come back to the novel-in-endless-progress with fresher eyes.

We'll see.  Wish me luck...